Dark Days

As a writer, my goal is to write daily. I have a personal goal of writing on my blog once a week. If you’ve been following me, you know that I haven’t been doing so well at that.

My world is a dark and dreary place to be right now. Several key factors are causing this distress. Though I can identify them, I cannot do much to correct them.

The first is a problem for many of my fellow Americans. The overturn of Roe V. Wade.

Let me be clear on my stance. I am 100% PRO CHOICE. It’s not up for discussion or debate. Based on the way the law is written, if Roe V Wade hadn’t been in place when my children were born, I’d have been left to die on the operating table.

Further more, it’s not anybody else’s place to dictate to a woman what she should do with her body. PERIOD.

This move by the supreme court is a calculated move to put women back into a place of FORCED submission to men, and it’s outright disgusting.

My feelings on this are very firm. At the same time, the weight of what women have lost is bearing down on me in ways I couldn’t have anticipated. Everywhere I look, I hear stories of how this is personally affecting the people in my life.

I’ll say this once and I hope someone hears me. America is on the losing side of history right now, and it’s only going to get worse if something isn’t done soon to stop it.

Ok. That’s enough of that before I go on a political rant that doesn’t belong here.

Next topic for today:

Another thing that is weighing me down right now is my finished manuscript, A Covid Christmas Story. While it’s been edited to death and read by a handful of people, I’m stuck in a wierd place. I’ve sent out query letters to a hundred agents. I’ve gotten some positive feedback but no offers. And I want to publish the book soon.

As anyone in my life knows, my father has stage 4 cancer. I want to place this book into his hands before I lose him to cancer. So, I am seriously considering self-publishing. Most of what college has taught me is that isn’t the best path. But, I think it might be the best path for me right now.

So, instead of making a decision I’ve been avoiding the topic altogether. Classic Cathy coping method.

And the final thing I want to discuss briefly that is keeping me in a mental and emotional funk is rejection.

All writers get rejected.

I know that.

I’ve had it told to me hundreds of times.

But it stings. And it burns. And it makes me sad.

Everyone seems to love my work, but it just “isn’t the right time for us” or “it doesn’t fit the theme” and my favorite “I love your story but I went with a different piece.”

I know I’m growing thicker skin as we speak, but it’s still hard to take.

So, there are days I don’t even go to my computer because I can’t bear the weight of it all. There are days I don’t read the news because my heart hurts too much to take another ounce of bad news. And there are days I just stare at the blank screen and can’t create my art because everything is so dark and hopeless.

Bear with me. I will get through this, even if I have to write a new ending to our sad story.

Until we meet again,

Cathy Marie Bown

Published by cathymariebown

I am a writer and student looking for my place in the digital world.

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